


Full of Sound and Fury

by Nakimochiku



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakimochiku/pseuds/Nakimochiku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final battle between Shinji and Kaworu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full of Sound and Fury

Sick betrayal twist a knife in his back, slashing across his spine, holding him still and carving into him, in his heart. In the delicate, paper thin and glass frail place Kaworu had carved out for himself among a nest of thorns and needles.

"If I'm being honest...I just don't want to hurt you."

**I won't allow it.**

Shinji fights hard to breathe, panic swelling in his lungs, drowning him, constricting him. He wonders if this is the feeling Kaworu spoke of before. He wishes he weren't in the Eva. He wishes he could grip Kawaoru by his pale arms, knock sense into him.

**I won't allow it.**

"Dammit! Why?! Why like this?"

**I won't allow it.**

"Because if I have to hurt you...I want it to be a wound you'll never forget."

**I won't allow it.**

It's guilt Kaworu twists against him with his serene face, his deep reassuring voice. He sounds like Kaworu. He sounds human, and real, and good. Not an angel. Not an enemy. And yet he smiles complacently, like a benevolent god, and asks for death.

And if killing Kaworu will prove his love, Shinji will do it. If killing Kaworu will deprive him of his voice, his pale white hands, his confusing glances, then Shinji cannot.

"Did you ever feel anything for me? Shinji. If you did...you'll do this."

**I won't allow it.**

He hates him. It burns in his throat and behind his eyes, and he cannot run away. He loves him. It cuts off his air and smothers him in embraces. He wants to kill him because he hates him, and wants to kill him because he loves him. And perhaps Kaworu knows all this, because he gazes up and smiles always, gentle and quick like a sharpened knife.

"Oh Shinji." He sighs. "I was born, just to meet you."

**I won't allow it.**

He remembers the feeling of Kaworu's life draining out beneath his fingers, his tiny body so frail, his skin so soft. He wonders now what Kaworu might have been thinking, if he had smiled even in death, if he had been afraid. He cries, and feels like he will never stand again without Kaworu's hand to steady him.

**Please.**

"Oh Shinji. I think I was born...Just to die at your hands."

**Please, I can't allow it.**


End file.
